BIRTH-day!!

We arrived excited and eager at Avista Adventist Hospital Friday morning (Feb 8) to be induced.  The first hour we were there we had paperwork, IV's and all the prep to get started.  I do not know if it was nerves or excitement but Ben sat rock still on the edge of his seat, not saying a word, just watching the process get going (he didn't even take off his coat).  This made me nervous about how the rest of the day would go with him but he soon got more comfortable with the hospital setting. 

The plan for the day was to insert some suppository pills into my cervix to begin softening my body and prepping me for the labor.  After a couple hours of this, they would put me on pitosin to begin the contractions and put me into full fledged labor.  Through this whole process, even when I had not started contracting, we had monitors on the baby and on my contraction levels- meaning that I was to spend most of the time in bed, with some short stints of movement off the monitors.  At the beginning they tried hooking me up to a walking monitor (which allowed Ben and I to do lap after lap of the small delivery unit in the hospital- we got to know those halls pretty well).  This monitor made me look HUGE and forced me to get into a hospital gown pretty early (not really complaining, they are comfy).  However for the first couple of hours I just slept, talked to Ben and watched TV. 

After the first suppository I started feeling really gooey.  I assumed this was the jell the Doctor used to check my cervix but it just kept coming and coming (kind of like I was wetting myself).  The nurse checked and no, it was not my water, but I had lost my mucus plug (wow, that was quick).  Within the next hour I began to have small contractions; they felt like very minor menstrual cramps and I did not realize I was feeling/doing anything until the nurse pointed out on the monitor that I was indeed contracting. 

After HOURS of walking and medicine balls and two more pills I was checked again and had only dilated to a 2.5 and was 75% effaced.  Because I was not very progressed they allowed me to have some dinner (yes, it was about 6:00 at night by this time). It was wonderful getting to eat something substantial (I had soup and toast- but it was still pretty substantial).  I had been very nauseated all day (walking the halls with a tub to catch vomit) and the food instantly soothed by stomach and gave me another boost of energy.  They decided they would see how the last pill did and then hook me up to the pitocin to really get things going.

It was the end of a shift and we were getting a new nurse; this nurse was convinced that a bath would help me progress and so we moved rooms (to be down by the 'spa'). This is also around the time that Mom came (she went to the new room and we weren't there yet so she thought they had lost us).  She has been anxiously awaiting news all day (as had been the rest of the family) and was going to come as soon as something started happening but decided to come join us for the 'long wait.'  It was great having Mom there as another person to distract me during my wait (yes, I was starting to contract a little more at this point- I was having to stop and breathe/focus a little instead of talking through them). 

After switching rooms we decided to try jumping in the shower to see if that would relax me and help the contractions get stronger. (I had to wait some time for the pill to absorb before getting into the tub).  The shower felt AMAZING (and I could just stand in there forever because I was not paying the water bill).  Ben sat outside the curtain (so he didn't get wet) and held my hand and talked to me as I showered.  While in the shower the contractions started picking up in intensity and consistency.  I began getting more and more uncomfortable; I tried sitting, squatting, the medicine ball- nope, nothing felt comfortable so I just ended up standing there (with a firm and probably slightly painful grip on Ben's hand).  After about an hour in the shower I decided I was done; with the shower, with contractions and with the entire labor experience (this was around 11:45pm).

I had come to the hospital and into labor with an open mind in relation to pain management and pain medication.  I decided I would like to try to have a natural labor but I was so unsure what to expect that I was willing to have an epidural if needed.  Once I was out of the shower and back in bed I decided that moment had come- give me the epidural.  The nurse encouraged me to breath deep and she would prepare the bathtub for me but after a couple more contractions I decided to skip the bath and just get the epidural.  The nurse called the anesthesiologist and then checked me to see how far along I was (I was hoping for at least a 5- if I got the medicine before a 5 I would feel like I was wimping out).  It turns out, and was quite a shock to everyone, that I was already fully effaced and at an 8- what? I had gone from a 2 to an 8 in a couple hours? No wonder I was suddenly feeling it.  As they started prepping me for the epidural I hit the transition stage and started shaking and shaking-hurry, give me the epidural now! About 20 minutes after getting checked (at an 8) I was hunched over with the anesthesiologist poised to insert the needle when, "Wait, I think I need to push!"

People say you will 'just know' when you need to push and I was a little hesitant about that feeling; how will I know when my body is ready to push a watermelon out of me? But it is true and slightly shocking to feel your body prepare to push- it is the point when you think 'If I want to or not, this is happening and I can't stop it'.

I decided to continue and get the epidural and immediately started to feel an ease to the pain.  Once he left my nurse checked again and found that I was at a 10 and probably could have the baby at any moment EXCEPT the epidural stopped everything.  It was so nice to have a moment to breath and to relax, to wrap my mind around what was happening, to love my husband and to mentally prepare BUT it was also horrible to know that I had stopped all my progress and we just had to wait. Looking back on the experience I am glad I was able to relax but I was not mentally aware of how close I was to the finish line.  If I would have been aware (yes, I knew the numbers but I didn't 'know') I do not think I would have gotten the epidural. 

After about an hour I decided I was done with the epidural and I wanted my baby but that is not exactly how it works.  The initial dose of medicine hits hard and lasts about two hours, after which you are given a drip (which can be increased/decreased as needed).  We decided to turn off the drip, allowing my feeling to come back gradually and for my labor to pick back up.  This was very nice to have things feel manageable again but to be able to see the results.  I began pushing (which on complete anesthesia was a little ridiculous because I couldn't feel anything) and it started working.  It was exciting to see the head start to emerge and to hear everyone's excitement ("She has hair! She has hair!").  They set up a mirror so I could see what was going on and it gave me a lot of encouragement to keep going.

In the end I was exhausted and out of breath (like I had just ran a mile- which is far for me) but the epidural had taken the edge off the pain (I could still feel but not the same) and I knew I was at the finish line.  Once I was crowning and the doctor came in, it all went pretty fast.  On the second push her head came out, the doctor had me wait while he unwrapped the cord (she had a 'double necklace'- the cord was wrapped around her neck twice) and then came the final push. At 3:43 am on Saturday February 9, 2013 our beautiful baby girl was born!

The doctor held her down for a couple seconds, to suck the nose, wipe off some slime and allow the cord to pulse a little bit (and Ben cut it), and then they stuck our little bundle of joy on me.  I cannot even express my feelings; shock and disbelief that she was finally there, joy and awe at the precious gift on my chest and pure excitement.  Ben hunched down next to me and together we cooed over our baby girl- it could have been minutes or hours- I honestly have no idea.  At one point Ben must have stepped away to cut the cord, at one point I must have delivered the placenta (I did look down at the mirror and think I saw it), they even cleaned her up and rubbed her down but I honestly do not remember anything but looking at our beautiful baby girl!!

Some people prepped me with the idea that you might not always immediately bond with your baby but that was not the case.  I immediately loved our little baby girl. I again, cannot even find the words to express the flood of emotions and love that swept over me as I saw her and held her in my arms.  She was beautiful, plump and mine!! Ben just kept saying, "Look Brea, She's OURS!!" 

I did come back to reality as the doctor started stitching me up- ouch (I guess the anesthesia really was wearing off).  I tore just a little bit on the inside top and bottom. They took the baby and Ben to do stats as they continued to 'work' on me.  I am glad that I talked to people about immediately after labor or I would have been so confused at the punching, kneading and massaging of my belly to get out the blood and start the final contractions. However at this point, even though it was painful, I was so happy to have it done and especially to have our little bundle of joy that I didn't care...much.

The rest of the night is a blur; the room got cleaned up and emptied, I nursed her for the first time, I was helped to the bathroom (although I think they gave me a catheter for a while?) and by 6:30 we were all down at the nursery for her first bath.   When we got back to our room, Ben and I were both so tired (physically and emotionally) that we crashed (they kept the baby in the nursery for that short stretch until she needed to nurse again to give us some sleep time).  I continued to have nurses coming in to check my stats, give me medicine and 'massage' my belly but was able to get about an hour of sleep before our next big day began!!

I am so grateful that I was able to have a baby; that my body was healthy and strong enough to carry her for 9 months (and a week) and that I was able to deliver her into this world.  I am grateful and awed at the wisdom of our Heavenly Father who created our bodies to be able to reproduce and have children.  I am so grateful that Ben and I have been trusted to raise and keep one of Heavenly Father's priceless children.  I am so grateful for our beautiful baby girl!