Weight Whining

I recently got weighed at the doctor’s office and upon hearing my weight almost shrieked and broke down. According to my BMI I am officially ‘overweight.’


I gained the freshman 15, lost 5 when I came back to live with Mom, gained Sophomore 15, lost 5 when I went to CA, gained junior/pre wedding 5, lost 10 in NY (I did a LOT of walking), gained Senior/Sickness 15, gained 15 living my lazy life at the in-laws, gained 5 pounds on this new medication. If you did count that up, which maybe you don’t want to, I have gained a LOT of weight. I have been doing a lot of thinking about this. When did this happen? Why did this happen? Are my habits really that bad? How did I not notice? Why didn’t anyone tell me?

First to start with the excuses; this all started after my surgery when I was trying to gain weight, so I kept the bad habits and the craving for whole milk. I didn’t know how to cook in college, so I ate cruddy food. I wasn’t in dance and all my high school sports, so I became sedentary. I hit ‘womanhood’ and my body is turning into a baby machine. My medication gives me the munchies, so I have to eat. I don’t like to exercise outside and the rec. center is far away and expensive.

Now for some realizations; all my cute friends, who are pregnant or just had their babies, were talking about how amazing it was that they have no stretch marks. Looking at my body I have stretch marks in places I did not know it was possible- do you really stretch there? My cute cloths I have had since college are now in the give away pile. Buying new cloths is not fun when you have grown 3 pant sizes in less than a year.

I have been running at least three times a week for the past month. As I mentioned before any ounce of athletic ability I used to have is now dried up and in a corner. The park across the street from us is .6 miles all the way around. I speed walk around once and then run/jog, about as slow as a speed walk but with more vigor, around once. So I figure I am doing about a mile a day- way more than I could do when I started. I was talking to Ben and he asked if it was really hard for me. Not really, I have gotten strong enough to do the mile. Then he said that to loose weight I needed to do MORE than was easy-Oh man!

I moved all, if any, of our junk food to the very bottom shelf in our pantry (Ben is not a fan of this, by the way) so that it is not what I see when I go for a snack. I tried tracking my food at an online calculator and found that even on the days that I am trying really hard and really focusing on what I eat, I am over my daily allowance and way over my weight loss allowance. Then I get depressed and eat red vines for lunch; that is one that I can’t really ‘excuse’ away.

Now it brings me to, how did I not notice this downward spiral? I have no answer for this. In middle school I had problems with my weight. I saw my body changing, due to puberty, and decided to eat unhealthy to keep my 10 year old self. After I got over this, with a little threatening from my Mom, I realized that weight doesn’t matter, what matter’s is that you are eating right, being active and feel good about yourself. Since then I have strived to be athletic, active and healthy. So when did that change?

I know that I am just going to have to buckle down and do it. I want to have children so I need to be healthy. I want to hike, rock climb and play sports so I need to get active. I want to change the lifestyle of my family. But, as a whining child might say, it is so hard. I can’t exercise for 5 hours a day, like they do in the Biggest Loser. I don’t want to go on 50 diets, loose a lot of weight get off the diet and gain it all back. I want to change my activity, my eating habits and my life!

So after this deep and personal revelation, what should I do? Any suggestions?