Pregnant? Hit the Target

Preface: Mystery Diagnosis
A week ago I started getting this terrible pain in my lower right abdomen. It first started every time I ate and would last about an hour after every meal. My Mom looked and me and the initial diagnosis- appendicitis? So, if I don’t start vomiting or get a fever in 48 days- that’s not it. Then it gradually got worse. By Wednesday I laid in bed for a couple hours in pain and just held my hand on it in constant pressure. 48 hours past and my appendicitis is still in tact- next diagnosis- ovarian cyst? Extremely painful, nothing can be done, wait it out! By Friday morning I was in pain and so nauseous I though I was going to vomit. Diagnosis- tubal pregnancy? Are you serious?

I was on the way to the mountains for a lovely family camp out when I stopped at the local Target. I was grumpy, green (from nausea) and sulking from the embarrassment of my task. I sulked in to the isle (where conveniently they sell pregnancy tests right next to condoms) and standing there were two men about my age- oh goody! So I slumped over, stooping to the bottom shelf for the single pack (why would anyone need a mega pack of pregnancy tests?) and pull. As it came out the next 5 tests tumbled off the rack onto the floor- ugg. I wanted to scream and curse. “I don’t feel good. I want to vomit. These men should have to clean them up!! AHH!!” I stooped down, picked them up and stuffed them in the shelf. I then grabbed a huge, pee inducing, Gatorade and headed for the check out.

At the check out the young teenaged teller looked at me like I was in need of a shrink. I am sure I looked pregnant (like I was going to have morning sickness all over her cash register) and I am sure I looked upset enough for her to think it was a ‘college accident.’ She proceeded to watch me with pain stricken worry in her eyes as I took my purchase, walked to the bathroom door, chugged the entire Gatorade and entered for my sudden doom.

I have taken a pregnancy test before, it is never ‘comfortable’. Yet having the relaxation of your own bathroom (one with you know is at least as sanitary as you keep it) and a bathroom in which you do not hit your elbows every 15 seconds is comforting. Having the nervous, anxious patter of your husbands feet pacing back and forth on the other side of the door is comforting- knowing no matter the result, he will still love you. Sitting alone in a stall in Target makes you feel like you have done something wrong, like you have something to hide from the world. It makes you feel alone- even though the room is filled with strangers. The most vulnerable time when you need him or someone and you are alone…

I finished the test. Received my results, negative. There is a part of a woman when, even when she wasn’t expecting or trying for a baby is disappointed when that test reads negative. Just the excitement of maybe gives us hope enough to feel sorry when we are denied. The teller watched me leave the store. I tried not to have any expression on my face- I didn’t think a stranger should be the first one to know.

That night when I saw Ben I cried into his chest and moaned “I had to take a pregnancy test in a Target Bathroom!” He laughed…a lot. “Oh honey,” he comforted me (still between peaks of laugher and a wide smile) “someday you will laugh about this.” Well I am still not quite to that day- but I hope my bad day brings a smile to your face. The only positive Ben and I could both agree upon was at least it wasn’t K-Mart.